me

life

2008-12-14T21:13:00.004+08:00

YEA!! Exams are over and the 3 weeks break is here... Many projects due at the start of the school.. But before that Christmas... Many things to buy and i am going to work more to earn more $$$ for shopping... Yea..

Many things happen during these few weeks.. All is no longer the same.. No matter what JKAP will still be JKAP.. I really miss the times which we had together.. I really hope that everything will be the same again, though I know that it is nearly impossible.. Since that day when the decision is made, I have been the left out one.. Im just like invisible.. But thanks Panny.. I know u tried to make her notice me.. I still owe u a few treats!!!

I reallise that sometimes, it is better not to know about the past.. Some past are just to painful to remember.. I really wish that I never know truth... It just make my hatred grow.. How can people be so cruel to say such hurtful things to their dearest?? It hurts.. It really hurts!!!

N one last thing i wanna say..

Mama I LOVE U!! Thanks for everything!!

Happy Happy

2008-11-19T09:18:00.002+08:00

Feeling rather happy recently although Im very tired. Went to SMU with huixin on sat to watch dance competition and most importantly to see and support elmo :) I took a photo with him cheers :) Maybe that is the reason for my mood. Haha. Pulled Panny along on Sun, to go bugis and most importantly, get the T-shirt I ordered from Elmo :) And I saw him again. yea :) I like the shirt, but a bit too big, but I dun mind.. Haha.. Bought a wallet with Panny, erm what should I say about the wallet?? Erm Its cute!! And I love my wallet and Panny's wallet too.. Colourful.. haha.. And since my mood is real good, I shall not blog about my work, it will only make me feel sad and angry.. Bleahxx Happy Happy Happy and Smilezz :)

Dead...

2008-10-21T10:08:00.007+08:00

My blog is dead.... Im going to start updating it le, but not really sure how long it will last this time round.. But Im still lazy to type, so i will just post all the photos i took in this 5 mths...

"showering" the bear

making the birthcert of the bear and deciding its name

me with clouds n jac :)

clouds with its new bathrobe :)

Im saying a pledge :P

me with waner

me with panny

waner n panny

all 3 of us :)

Lastly, a neo taken recently.. All three of us :p

Blah Blah Blah

2008-10-28T10:21:00.005+08:00

Life have been bored recently. School, Work and Home... Very tired... My battery level running low, very low.. But I not sure what I am working for, to help them because they need staffs? Or to earn money? But what the he said to me yesterday really hurt me deeply. I worked for about 7 months going to 8 months.. I dun expect a pay increase and Im satisified with my pay currently, but why she got a pay increase despite working less than me.. And now he actually said that.. If that was what he think, then just ask me to leave, and hire new staffs for all I care.. But if he need my help, why should he say that to hurt me?? Candy empire is WEIRD!!!

Lastly...

Happy Birthday Panny!! Smiles :)

Dead

2008-05-27T16:00:00.002+08:00

I couldnt take it anymore. I dun have the strength to pursue my dreams, but I didnt want to give it up. Family, friends, school work... Too much... Im sinking down.. Been taking panadols these few days again. Panadols are the only thing I could depend on, it makes me drowsy, makes me forget about things. I can only blame myself for being so weak, so weak that she calls u a rotten apple and treat u invisibly. Was doing the projects, but really couldnt take it. Saw an objrct which could be the key to my freedom and happiness, but i really not brave enough to pick it up, although it may only take a few seconds. Apple is dead.... FOREVER FOREVER FOREVER...

Crazy

2008-05-08T13:39:00.003+08:00

It seems to another sem of hell. Im going crazy. Maybe I should really see the doctor. Just who am I? Why am I not respected? Thankful that this sem hav only a big project if I am not wrong. She is the queen, Im the servant. She can get angry anytime, and vent her anger on anyone, but what can I do, I am the object which she vent her anger on. Im nobody. Im going crazy!!! Everyday I have to bear with her, but I really cant take it anymore. I hate my life!! But who can I blame? I am the one who make all the decisions, I have to bear with the consequences of these decisions. Panadols and beer are the only way I could thought of to numb my feelings. Really tired...

Going to work tmr. Sianx... Have to learn closing tomorrow and close tomorrow. Argh!!! Hate it.. Hate it.. Two of my sprees item from taiwan has arrived. Happy happy :) Hope these items make me happy. I love shopping online :p I must smile n be strong. I wont let u get ur way.

blue without you.

2008-04-29T11:27:00.004+08:00

Im really not sure about what is going on to me. Im just getting more and more moody, and Im really regretting my decision in everything. My decision to stop my dance lessons and other lessons when Im young. I just hate myself, why must I give up so easily?? I regret not following my own heart, why did I choose this group?? Who am I to them?? Im just nothing to them, just a rotten apple to them!!! But is this the reason for my change for this two weeks?? Im going crazy!! Can I find back the old Kaiying?? This is just not me!!

Candy empire seems to need more people, one of my colleague have already work for a continuous of 10 plus days. I feel much better when Im working, I can forget about all this stuffs, and I begin to get use of working there.

I finally bought my first metoyou bear. Although it seems really weird to buy a bear for myself as the wording are strange, but I really like it :) At least this bear makes me happier.

Moody

2008-04-26T23:48:00.002+08:00

Reealy feeling moody this few days, but I duno what is the exact reason for being so moody. Really have to apologise to mum, I really didnt mean to treat her so coldly, I also dont know the reason for my such behaviour. Went to Westmall with JKP for lunch, but ended up buying lots of stuffs. Each of us bought a Bf shirt, and i added a T-shirt from korea and a necklace which I really like a lot. Been spending alot on sprees and stuff, going broke. A great thing is I got my pay for this month, really happy :) But heard a sad news that another girl going to be sacked again, not sure if it is true. Hope I find the real me!

boring boring boring

2008-04-17T15:51:00.002+08:00

Its been a long time since I blogged... School started le, fourth day of school. In IFA lecture, struggling to stay awake :P I really duno how long I coud survive with all the school work. Going to work weekends, and attend school at the same time, I really need enuff strength to survive. I have to admit Im getting old - forgettful, and weak :P Went for my first lesson of dancing on Monday. Itwas tiring but fun :) I like it. Been spreeing alot these days, spend $120 plus over on spreeing, and lots of money on shopping. Going BROKE!!! the lecturer still on Pg 5 only despite the fact that 1 hr 20 mins plus have passed. Slow Slow Slow... Boring Boring Boring.. Bleahxx

off off

2008-03-26T18:29:00.002+08:00

Off day for two days, tomorrow have to start work again. One of the girl got sack, she jus came for about a week only, not sure is it because of the float matter... Feeling rather upset, she is a nice girl... Few more days and Im getting my pay!!! I just cant wait for it, been buying lots of stuffs these few days. I like the feel of shopping onlines :) Another two to three weeks to the start of year 2 in polytechnic. Im not sure about this coming year in poly, things are not going like wad i planned... I decided to quit my job because I thot I would be busy cox Im joining lots of activities, but now, all the activities seems to be unsuccessful :( My application for Korean102 was not successful, kinda sad about it. Im gonna plan more activities. Bleahx :P

novotel with JKAP

2008-03-09T22:03:00.043+08:00

Really tired after work, continuous two days in morning shift. It is really boring to work at millenia, there is really nothing I can do there!!! Argh!!!
Off on Tues and Wed. Watch kungfu dunk with huixin and her fren. I really like kungfu dunk :) Actually I prefer those moves instead :) Berlin Chen is really handsome!!
Took 2 days off on Thurs and Fri to stay over with JKP at the hotel - Novotel :) Though kel was not able to join us in the afternoon, but we had a great time after all. Took lots of photos at night after kel reached. Woke up around 8 plus on Fri morning, play card games. Time passed really fast, if we could stayed longer, it would be more fun. Hope we could have more of such stays in the future.
Some photos...

With huixin at vivo

Night view of clark quay and novotel

Im exhausted after too much jumping :P (secretly taken by panny)

with jac at clark quay

On Fri morning - Tired

i hate candies and choco

2008-02-28T09:18:00.003+08:00

Haiz... Today will be my forth day working le. Heard i will be getting my pay today, that is the only thing Im looking forward to. Heard from colleagues that the boss likes to sack people, so as a result hire lots of people, and he make a big fuss out of small things. Haiz... Im so scared that I cant take it anymore. Been deaming of candies and chocolates since the day I work... It is a nightmare. Unable to fall asleep yesterday night, as a result took 2 panadols to force myself to sleep. Hiaz later still have to work from 12.30 - 9.30. It is real boring to be working day cox there is really nothing to do, and what is worse is that I had to find something to do, so that the boss wont think you are slacking. Argh!!! I hate it!!! Looking forward to tmr, my off day!! Hope that it would be a better day today :)

1feb

2008-02-01T15:02:00.000+08:00

Sianz.. Having Biz law tutorial now. Just finished the blaw test. Damm hard, scored 75 but tt tutor said ned to score 100 cox it is easy and tt we must have alrdy asked other classes on the questions. Sianz... That is wad he HAD ASSUMED!!! Gave him a face tt said " U say somemore i gonna beat u up" face. I dun like this lame tutor who always thot what he said was funny when it was NOT FUNNY!!! Lucky today will be the last tutorial. YEA!! But 5 more days to CNY which means abt 1-2 more weeks to exams. ARGH!!!

Later having BCA hands on test le. Sianx.. Never revise at all, forget all the excel functions le, don't know what to do later. Hope it is not that hard and will be just like the previous hands on quiz.

My room is in a big big mess. Thanks to the spring cleaning, that make my room so messy, I rather my room to be dusty than having me to clean and pack my stuffs again.. Mum tore my poster accidentally while cleaning my shelves.. Omy, my precious poster, I just hate cleaning up!!!

Went to Bugis alone on tues. The feeling is lonely... Bought a new white watch and a new black skinny and 2 books on ISWAK2 and bull fighting. Was approached by a lady, who was trying to promote facial package, and she kept asking the same question. I was so irritated by her cox Im just too anxious to get my new skinny from Xl. I finally gotten my skinny. Woo I jus luv it so much :P Went to AMK Hub to meet Sz. Bought a new shirt to match my grey outfit. I jus love to shop shop shop and buy buy buy :)

Done!!

2008-01-25T15:16:00.000+08:00

Yea! All my project done le, about 2 more weeks to CNY which means about 3 more weeks to exam. Argh!!! I hate exams!!! Was having this lesson of LMS on Wed about goal and success. It set me thinking of my passion, goals and future. What do I really want to do in future, is accoutancy really the path I want, or should I choose according to my interest and passion?? I really dont know what I want for my future. Unlike Jac and Panny, they have already planned their future, especially Jac, she clearly know what she want for her future. Our teacher gave the class 4 example, 4 different people with different lifestyles, she wanted us to choose the person whom we think is a successful person. Some chose a man who is happily married with 3 kids and some chose a man who is a stage actor, which is also his passion and is still living with his parents. He is very happy. Some of my classmates defended that the man who is happily married is successful as he is married, while the stage actor is not financially stable and he is not married. This set me thinking again, why must we get married to be considered successful? Why must we be financially stable as long as it is our passion? What exactly is the definition of successful??

Im already 17 and after 13 Sept Im going to 18. What exactly are my plans for the future? What exactly is the path I want to take? Haix... I must seriously think about my future. Have to log off in 5mins time Lappie no batt le. Thx to some not responsible ppl hu onli noe how to shift the blame to others :(

argh!!!!!

2008-01-16T21:41:00.000+08:00

Omy!! My head is bursting!! Done with IAC presentation, LMS blog and BCA pbl 2. I am still very emo. I really duno what is happening to me. It is just not me!!! Where did the happy kaiying disappear to?? Argh!!! Im going crazy, I dun like my tears! Why it kept flowing down despite me trying hard to stop it. Maybe U are just too perfect, thus emphasizing how lousy and stupid I am. But please care about my feelings!! I sacrifice my time just to do all the stuffs yet u made it sound like I anyhow do one! It just hurt, I seldom see u or should i say never seen u criticize their work!! Why cant u just take note of my effort?? Why cant u give some words of encouragement?? Doing BMGT - motivation and leadership only makes me realize what type of leader u are. Are you that stingy that even a wordof encouragement also ahve to save it for yourself?? I am really going crazy!! All these are enough to make me mad!! But there are even more things to add on to my bursting head.

HER HER HER!!! Another her, she just dun understand me and is she really in need of friend, she is forcing me to go out with her, be friends with her, forcing me to give her my hp no. She just forces me, and Im going crazy!!

Argh!! I need space and time to breathe!! I hate this sem!! Duno if i can pass this sem. This is horrible!! Kaiying! Kaiying! Where are u?? Talk with panny n Jac ytd abt our future. Jac seems really sorted out abt what she wants in future, Lihong too at least she knows. This set me thinking.. Is accountancy really the path I want?? I dun think so. Argh I dun have time to think about all this.. Maybe I will sort it out again...

argh..

2008-01-11T14:15:00.001+08:00

Monday having MAEC common test 2, next friday Blaw tort of law article deadline, BMGT business report have to hand in by the following monday, IAC presenting final assignment on wed, LMS blog reflection on wed too, MYOB deadaline on monday. BCA due next week. Argh!!! Many many things piling up, MYOB entered wrong journal entry, LMS blog haven type yet, BLAW article did nothing yet, BMGT onli finish a small para. BCA data table entered wrongly. I need HELP!!!

Today was horrible, finish BCA tutorial unit7-1 after a long time, but it disappear despite me saving it. ARGH!! Feeling really upset. Break down and cried in sch, maybe because of the tonnes of undone projects and the nearing deadline, plus the unit7-1 and maybe i really duno abt them.. I really duno. I seemed to change alot and I sometimes wonder who I am.

Sianx.. Still have FFA tutorial later up to 6, so tired, but getting back common test results, hope it is not that bad. Going to play audi later with kelly they all, hope it brighten up my day. Tmr still hav aerobics, but recently really dun feel like goin at all, but i really must exercise. Gonna jiayou :)

2008-01-07T19:29:00.001+08:00

Went to Mac this morning for breakfast since Ms Tan nvr come, shouldnt hav go sch in the morning, so waste time, could hav use the time to watch ISWAK 2 n dou niu yao bu yao. Didnt manage to get back FFA test papers. All the projects are to be handed in soon, sianx... I really duno what to write for organisational culture, luckily MYOB dateline extended, but onli for 2 days, but better than nth. Blaw's article still haven started yet. Gonna rush le. Got back Blaw test paper on friday, luckily i passed, but tutor sae hav to base our standards on the LAC question, and it was bad really bad, i failed that question. Die le la, exam time, no MCQs n short question onli 25%, the rest is LAC.Went to amk for dinner with sz on fri, she dun look like her. haha changed a lot, but not bad, a different style dun look like singaporean. Had a great time cox we tok a lot. Now feeling better le, thx sz really thanks a lot. Took some photos...

Wearing sz new specs... i look funni ^^

Exchange specs :P

she is mad

2008-01-03T09:45:00.000+08:00

Im goin crazy!! I duno what is going on and what is wrong with me nowadays. Been having that kind of feelings more and more frequently and getting really emotional recently. Im just stressed out this sem, cried several times this sem le. Cant control ytd too, the Bmgt is making me mad, I jus cant think of the organisation culture n the motivation and leadership. Broke down ytd while watching wan quan yu le, I really duno what is going on. Thanks sz. I feel better le and thanks for helping me out. Finish watching mi jia le zhi wu le :) Gonna concentrate on my studies le since sch started le. And Mum always nagging that CNY is nearing, but it makes me more n more stressed, cox it also mean exams round the corner. Haix few more weeks onli, wonder why sem 2 goes by so quickly. I gonna prove to u guys i can survive alone n that i can do it. Aza Aza Fighting :)

amk hub

2007-12-27T19:48:00.000+08:00

Went on a shopping spree with sz ytd at amk. The feeling was shiok. First time go amk buy so many things. Saw this really cute bag in the shape of a bus and car, but duno why somehow it look weird when carrying it. Bought a shirt and new wallet from Punk Star, really like the designs there. Simply love it :) Ate korean food for dinner, sz odered bibimbap and i ordered bbq beef. It was nice. I am goin to go there more often. Just started watching a show, Mi Jia Le Zhi Wu, and finally hav smth to do. Sianx.. Still have to do Myob and bca pbl.. Thanks xl for the xmas present and sz fer e belated present :)

Merry Xmas

2007-12-25T15:43:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas :)

Haven blog for a long time...Finally finish all the fliming of LMS in 2 days. It was hilarious, we had lots of Ngs, and we kept laughing. Duno why they say they will laugh the moment they look at me. But Im sorry that I kept laughing throughout. Went to Jac's hse with Kel n Pan to do projects, exchange gifts with one another, hope they like it :p Didnt finish much on the projects, hope can finish it soon. Went out on fri with ber n sz to bugis n met up with xl for lunch. Wore this pair of new shoes n it was damm painful. Waited for xl for an hr plus and our legs were tired and cramping. Bought a pair of skinny, a shirt n Dou niu yao bu yao Ost. I bought the most things among us but not contented. I still wan buy buy buy!!! Thanks sz for the chocolates :) and thanks JKP for their Xmas presents :)

holidays

2007-12-12T20:36:00.000+08:00

yea! Finally finish all the tests. Its 2 weeks break le (: Went to Northpt to shop for christmas present, bought sumthing but duno if they will like it. Finish two shows today. The ending of romantic princess was quite ok at least it is a happy ending. I like the ending of ying ye 3+1. " This is a ..... SECRET !!! " n " Mission terminated". It is really a nice show. yea n next wk would be the first ep of They Kiss Again. OMG I love these shows :) This 2 weeks break will be very busy. Got 5 projects that need to be handed in next yr. Sianx... Next friday goin to learn how to make logcakes with Jac n Kelly. Goin to watch dou niu yao bu yao n find more variety shows :)

sianx

2007-12-13T18:14:00.000+08:00

Sianx... Feeling rather upset nowadays but for no particular reasons. The internet connection so not stable nowadays. This morning no connection at all. Have no mood to watch any shows. Need to rush the report of LMS scene 2, but so sianx so no mood do anything. Hope the internet connection would be safe till this sunday. Goin to Audi le... Hope it brighten up my day:)

sad

2007-11-23T18:34:00.000+08:00

back from sch. feeling rather upset. I know that you are trying to make her laugh and feel better, but have you thought about my feelings. It make me seems really useless. I try to laugh infront of all of you, but Im really feeling bad, bitterly crying silently in my heart. I also try to help her with the subjects, those questions I asked you are not only intended for myself but also to help her. I always try to do together with her, unlike both of you who always do things faster than us and leave us alone struggling. Who knows that I cried in the bus all the way home the other time after MAEC lecture when i was feeling bad. Im trying very hard to help with the PBL yet u all seldom includes me, leaving me alone. Does it really make u all that happy by building ur happiness on my bitterness?? I dun like that feeling...

JKAP

2007-11-13T16:26:00.000+08:00

Went out to Great World with Kelly, Panny n JacQ on Sunday. Actually planning to bowl at the kim seng plaza but when we reach there we r like the only four under 30?? And they are like pros, so instead went to eat lunner at Great World. Took taxi to orchard, planning to either play pool, K-box or watch movie. Kind of got vexed in the process of deciding, n is like 5 more min to the start of this nice movie n we r still deciding. Finally agreed upon watching Stardust. i like the show, it is damm nice :) Monday was so sianx... just the usual things, tutorial then lecture... Hiax.. Skipping Korean language today.. haix... that is going to be the first and only time... Going out soon :)

sianx

2007-11-02T15:11:00.000+08:00

haix. Just realized that I have not blogged for a long time. Still have to blog my LMS blog of at least 1-2 pages. So sianx... I don't like blogging so much, somemore is to blog about the lesson, blog about LIFE!!! Having biz law now. Having problems with my contact lens, everything I see so blur. I hate Excel, I hate BCA. Having a hard timr doing the tutorials. Such a headache! I finished watching X-Family le :) I like the ending so much especially the part where xia tian, xia yu, han, n dong chen wei, lan ling wang and meng zhu are fighting the huo yan shi zhe. I like them playing the instruments :D I rewatched that part so many times. Kind of busy with sch life, thus have stop watching mean gurl ah chu, though im still watching ying ye 3+1 and romantic princess. Romantic princess going to end le, 3 more eps to go, after that would be showing they kiss again. Im looking forward yo that show. :p