my messed up life...

Sunday, December 14, 2008

YEA!! Exams are over and the 3 weeks break is here... Many projects due at the start of the school.. But before that Christmas... Many things to buy and i am going to work more to earn more $$$ for shopping... Yea..

Many things happen during these few weeks.. All is no longer the same.. No matter what JKAP will still be JKAP.. I really miss the times which we had together.. I really hope that everything will be the same again, though I know that it is nearly impossible.. Since that day when the decision is made, I have been the left out one.. Im just like invisible.. But thanks Panny.. I know u tried to make her notice me.. I still owe u a few treats!!!

I reallise that sometimes, it is better not to know about the past.. Some past are just to painful to remember.. I really wish that I never know truth... It just make my hatred grow.. How can people be so cruel to say such hurtful things to their dearest?? It hurts.. It really hurts!!!

N one last thing i wanna say..

Mama I LOVE U!! Thanks for everything!!

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dreaming;
9:13 PM;

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Feeling rather happy recently although Im very tired. Went to SMU with huixin on sat to watch dance competition and most importantly to see and support elmo :) I took a photo with him cheers :) Maybe that is the reason for my mood. Haha. Pulled Panny along on Sun, to go bugis and most importantly, get the T-shirt I ordered from Elmo :) And I saw him again. yea :) I like the shirt, but a bit too big, but I dun mind.. Haha.. Bought a wallet with Panny, erm what should I say about the wallet?? Erm Its cute!! And I love my wallet and Panny's wallet too.. Colourful.. haha.. And since my mood is real good, I shall not blog about my work, it will only make me feel sad and angry.. Bleahxx Happy Happy Happy and Smilezz :)

dreaming;
9:18 AM;

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Life have been bored recently. School, Work and Home... Very tired... My battery level running low, very low.. But I not sure what I am working for, to help them because they need staffs? Or to earn money? But what the he said to me yesterday really hurt me deeply. I worked for about 7 months going to 8 months.. I dun expect a pay increase and Im satisified with my pay currently, but why she got a pay increase despite working less than me.. And now he actually said that.. If that was what he think, then just ask me to leave, and hire new staffs for all I care.. But if he need my help, why should he say that to hurt me?? Candy empire is WEIRD!!!

Lastly...

Happy Birthday Panny!! Smiles :)

dreaming;
10:21 AM;

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

My blog is dead.... Im going to start updating it le, but not really sure how long it will last this time round.. But Im still lazy to type, so i will just post all the photos i took in this 5 mths...

"showering" the bear

making the birthcert of the bear and deciding its name

me with clouds n jac :)

clouds with its new bathrobe :)

Im saying a pledge :P

me with waner

me with panny

waner n panny

all 3 of us :)

Lastly, a neo taken recently.. All three of us :p

dreaming;
10:08 AM;

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I couldnt take it anymore. I dun have the strength to pursue my dreams, but I didnt want to give it up. Family, friends, school work... Too much... Im sinking down.. Been taking panadols these few days again. Panadols are the only thing I could depend on, it makes me drowsy, makes me forget about things. I can only blame myself for being so weak, so weak that she calls u a rotten apple and treat u invisibly. Was doing the projects, but really couldnt take it. Saw an objrct which could be the key to my freedom and happiness, but i really not brave enough to pick it up, although it may only take a few seconds. Apple is dead.... FOREVER FOREVER FOREVER...

dreaming;
4:00 PM;

Thursday, May 08, 2008

It seems to another sem of hell. Im going crazy. Maybe I should really see the doctor. Just who am I? Why am I not respected? Thankful that this sem hav only a big project if I am not wrong. She is the queen, Im the servant. She can get angry anytime, and vent her anger on anyone, but what can I do, I am the object which she vent her anger on. Im nobody. Im going crazy!!! Everyday I have to bear with her, but I really cant take it anymore. I hate my life!! But who can I blame? I am the one who make all the decisions, I have to bear with the consequences of these decisions. Panadols and beer are the only way I could thought of to numb my feelings. Really tired...

Going to work tmr. Sianx... Have to learn closing tomorrow and close tomorrow. Argh!!! Hate it.. Hate it.. Two of my sprees item from taiwan has arrived. Happy happy :) Hope these items make me happy. I love shopping online :p I must smile n be strong. I wont let u get ur way.

dreaming;
1:39 PM;

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Im really not sure about what is going on to me. Im just getting more and more moody, and Im really regretting my decision in everything. My decision to stop my dance lessons and other lessons when Im young. I just hate myself, why must I give up so easily?? I regret not following my own heart, why did I choose this group?? Who am I to them?? Im just nothing to them, just a rotten apple to them!!! But is this the reason for my change for this two weeks?? Im going crazy!! Can I find back the old Kaiying?? This is just not me!!

Candy empire seems to need more people, one of my colleague have already work for a continuous of 10 plus days. I feel much better when Im working, I can forget about all this stuffs, and I begin to get use of working there.

I finally bought my first metoyou bear. Although it seems really weird to buy a bear for myself as the wording are strange, but I really like it :) At least this bear makes me happier.

dreaming;
11:27 AM;